How to Know When You’ve Found the One

 

With all the engagements happening in the Bevere family—both real and delusional—(sorry, Alec), we thought it’d be a good idea to offer three tips to help you know whether you’ve found that special someone . . .

Tip 1: You have the knowing.

Feelings come and go—they ebb and flow with the seasons of life. But conviction (the knowing) grows from the core of your being and becomes a part of who you are. This knowing flourishes into a surety that will help you weather marriage’s storms and go the distance. Without the knowing, relationships shrink into oblivion. (That’s a nice way of saying they don’t last.)

Tip 2: You’re not afraid of the hard stuff.

(No rock pun intended.)

It’s not a good sign if you’re treating your relationship like a frail baby bird. Relationships that last a lifetime are not afraid of hard stuff. During dating or engagement, people tend to avoid hard conversations about past relationships, financial expectations, family dynamics, etc., thinking these hard conversations will get easier once they’re married. WRONG . . . they only get harder. If you’ve really found your special someone, your conviction (the knowing) will lead you straight into the hard conversations. That’s where deep relationships and understanding are forged.

And finally .  .  .

Tip 3: You can answer THE hard question.

We often hear people say, “I just don’t know if _______ meets everything on my list!” Or, “I don’t know if ______ will make me happy.” While chemistry and happiness are important—both of these questions reflect the self-centric epidemic of our time and won’t get you far enough.

The hard question you should ask is, “Am I willing to lay my life down for this person in marriage?” If the answer is YES, then you’ve probably found the right one. Marriage is the ultimate opportunity for laying your life down, and that’s the reason God uses its symbol to convey His sacrificial love for us (see Ephesians 5).

So if you’re considering whether someone is Mr. or Mrs. Right, run your relationship through these three tips and see where you land.

There’s another obvious tip that we should probably share: Don’t marry someone who hasn’t committed their life to Christ. It’s just asking for trouble.

That’s it for now, but we’d love to hear from you. Let us know if you have any questions or additional tips to share.

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18 Comments

  1. Gd post☺ and thanks. I think it will be good if this lovely lady who was sharing could wear a more covered – top for future videos😀

  2. Thank you so much guys!

  3. Great advice about being able to talk about “the hard stuff”–life–especially for couples in godly, romantic relationships.

    When it comes to emotions vs. convictions however, what do you have to say to couple where one person expresses that they are convinced their significant other is “the one” but the other person does not think so?

    Also, I disagree with the statement, “Marriage is the ultimate opportunity for laying your life down.” I am a believer (single, not in a relationship), and I do agree that marriage, created and ordained by God (between a man and woman) is a good thing. It serves a practical function here on earth, it’s shows a beautiful picture of God’s love, and it’s also symbolic of the ultimate union Christians are waiting to see come to pass–the one between Jesus Christ and his bride, the Church. But marriage as it is on this earth will last into eternity. There plenty of other poignant examples that communicate the ways God shows his overwhelming, sacrificial love towards us. Most people, Christian or not, may want to be in a relationship and married someday. It’s normal. There’s also pressure to marry the older we get, from family, our American culture, maybe even from well-meaning friend groups and church circles. That’s why it’s so important to pin down our motives for why we want to get married and, as believers, be in constant prayer.

    My point is, I just don’t want those who are single to believe that they’re missing out on something in life because of their relationship status or that married believers are more sacrificial in their Christian love than believers who are not. Whether single or in a relationship we really do need to embrace the Holy Spirit and depend on God’s unmerited, empowering grace to demonstrate real love, the way Jesus did.

    Much love, team! Great stuff on this blog.

    • EDIT TYPO: marriage as it is on this earth will NOT last into eternity.

    • Addison Bevere

      That’s a great observation, Clara. Sacrificial love–the idea of laying our lives down–is available in many relational contexts. There’s a bit of necessary reductionism in this post, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to deliver a message in less than 500 words. 🙂 The Apostle Paul had a profound understanding of what it meant to lay his life down, and he never married. But, as a single man, he did use marriage as a symbol to convey the largeness of laying our lives down. Because marriage is a covenantal relationship, it’s a good example of God’s covenant commitment to us. Of course, with marriages being discarded like last week’s garbage, the potency of this symbol has been lost in a sea of selfishness.

  4. That is SOOOO GOOOOD guys, I love this.

  5. Do you think that before you make it “official” you should know whether that person is the one? Or is it okay to move forward in a relationship until you find out? I always thought that I wouldn’t get into an official relationship with someone unless I knew I was going to marry them, however, I am just starting a relationship that I know the Holy Spirit is leading me to move forward in but I don’t have the “know” like I’m saved as she mentioned. I’ve always heard from other married couples, “when you know, you know.” So I’m looking forward to your advice. Thank you guys!

    • Addison Bevere

      Hi Vanessa, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with entering into a relationship without knowing the person is THE ONE. (But you should never date someone you know is NOT the one.) As the relationship progresses, you should have confirmation either way. I was dating a wonderful Christian girl, but then God made it clear to me that she wasn’t the one. I ended the relationship within 24 hours.

  6. Simple & Succinct. Thank you for this posting.

  7. Do you guys have any suggestions for people who have been together a long time and are still waiting to get married? Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years and are planning on getting married in 2. I feel like the hardest part is that we aren’t able to do things that other people our age can do (because they are married) like go on trips together and such just the two of us. Thank you guys!

    • Addison Bevere

      I would just ask, why are you waiting so long if you know you’re going to spend the rest of your life together? Is it a matter of age? I’m of the belief that once you know you’re going to marry someone, you start moving in that direction.

  8. Consuelo Rodriguez

    Thank You for not giving the usual fluff that you hear people give about finding the one!! Thank You for going head on with the most important and sticking to what is true!! God Bless!!

    • Arden Bevere

      Thanks Consuelo! We always want to make sure we are talking about the hard stuff so please let us know if there are any specific topics we can address

  9. Rachel Swanepoel

    You two are a truly lovely example! It is always encouraging and soothing to be reassured with the truth in love. Thanks for sharing the wisdom and congrats on your 10 year anniversary!

  10. Priscilla

    Omg ☺️👏🏻🙋🏼 I’m from Brazil and am so happy for listening these words. U guys are amazing and I’d really to get to be at some event with you here or in US. Love you!

  11. This was very helpful! Thank you

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