I will be getting married in just 4 days, which means I’m finally having sex!

Before Jess and I say our vows and head off on the honeymoon, I wanted to give you some thoughts on sexual purity.

The simplest advice for a non-married person is pretty straightforward: don’t do it. But putting this into practice is a lot harder and not the norm today. So the big question is, why wait until marriage to have sex?

Let’s take a look at the Book of Proverbs. But first, grab a piece of paper or create a note on your phone and write “Consequences of Being Sexually Immoral” at the top of your note. Then turn to Proverbs 5 and, while reading, make a note of every consequence that comes from being sexually promiscuous.

Pretty eye-opening, right? Sexual promiscuity is one of the biggest traps the enemy is using to rob our generation. Be an anomaly and stand firm in purity.

One more thing . . . it’s never too late to practice sexual purity. This is an everyday decision. If you’ve messed up in the past, know that God’s mercies are new every day. You might have to deal with consequences of past decisions, but God completely forgives you when you come to Him in repentance, and even in the consequences He’ll do a redemptive work in your life.

P.S. Here bellow some pictures of the proposal and an engagement shoot that we did.

 

25 Comments

  1. Wow! What a great message. It was so exciting to watch you guys and listen to your words of wisdom and love. Thank you for sharing that! Trusting and asking God to continue helping me stay pure in the waiting, whether it happens or not. Definitely subscribed after seeing this.

  2. There’s one issue that keeps coming to my mind when I see Jessica and Christian and that’s the issue of modesty. I’m shocked how much of their bodies they show, slits in the dress, short shorts, low cut dress and tops…it doesn’t seem right. Our culture is all about sex and lust and provoking men to lust…so it puzzles me when I see Christian ladies dress just like girls who don’t know Jesus. Perhaps it’s being unaware of what the Bible says about modesty and that’s concerning. I don’t say this in judgment but just concern. The white box analogy is not a bad one but if that same white box exposes what’s inside how is it still pure? You may think this is being so judgmental and that’s fine. I don’t think I’m saying anything unscriptural. You have a huge platform that’s grown a lot more in these past few years and now young people are looking up to all of you.

  3. I will be getting married in just 4 days, which means I’m finally having sex! That opening line sounds a bit strange. Have you got a pure heart and pure thoughts. If you wanted to have sex but stopped yourself from doing it, that doesn’t make you pure. If you wanted sex but stopped yourself then you need to repent, because in a weak season in your marriage because you have had sex, the temptation will be even stronger. Many Christians who were pure when they married end up divorced because of adultery.

    • Addison Bevere

      Hi Heather, there’s nothing wrong with anticipating or celebrating sex within the right context. God gave us a sexuality for a reason. Sex is not a bad thing.

  4. Shane Bekker

    Congratulations Austin and Jess. I can only imagine that it is crazy journey all the way to the altar, arriving as pure minded and pure hearted singles to become a couple as one. Still being single and having been single for 33.5 years, is why I say, I can only imagine. Have a wonderful day. I pray God’s abundant blessing on both of you, as you continue in your walk with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords into married life. party like crazy, and don’t worry about the nerves.

    In being pure, I didn’t keep that box shut, so to speak. But I know, as you said Austin, Father God redeems us from pain into purity again with His unfailing love and forgiveness. When I hear of stories like you shared Jess, it encourages me and I’m sure many others to establish that resolve to live in purity. Thank you for sharing on Sons & Daughter’s. In a few days time you will be a Bevere.

  5. Way to go Austin and Jess! My husband Josh and I also both waited for marriage and it was so worth it! We actually met through a chastity ministry we were both part of after college where we spoke to teenage guys and girls (he the guys, I the girls) in churches and schools about how awesome the gift of purity is. We were so grateful that parents and mentors spoke this message into our own lives that we wanted to share it with others. Thanks for sharing it too! And have a FUN/ joyful wedding and wedding night! Not to mention marriage! Oh marriage is just a blast. We’ve been married 3 years, are expecting our 2nd child, and gosh– it just gets more and more fun! Sometimes difficult, but always overwhelmingly worth it! Josh is the sweetest gift God has given me and I’m sure you two feel the same about each other. God bless!

  6. I have a 13yr old boy and a 12yr old girl who we are desperate to instill in them God’s desire for sex. It is so countercultural these days (proabably always has been). Can you suggest resources in this area?
    Thanks

  7. AMEN!!!

  8. Way to lead and share with vulnerability on this guys! People going to always have something negative to say on blogs; we’re all on our own journeys of walking it out! Enjoyed your thoughts and wisdom from your journey and experience.

    As someone who has recommitted to walking with Jesus fully in this area, it may be hard but TOTALLY worth it ✨ #worth #honor #beautyindoingitGodsway

  9. That’s a beautiful story and in this day and age it’s harder than most. I like how you said fir both men and women. I’d like you and others to realize that the struggle doesn’t end when your married but the discipline you learn by doing this will give your marriage that chance . It’s not talked about much but if you are sleeping around before marriage with multiple partners the discipline to stay the couse once you are is harder. There will be times when you are apart or you have children or you are tired or sick and that discipline will help you through for your commitment. Blessing to you and all who chose Gods way.

  10. I also think you shouldn’t have sex before marriage, but I have a really different take on this…

    This is really harmful imagery!! You aren’t a box, you’re a HUMAN! Sex before marriage doesn’t mess you up. There are a host of reasons to wait to have sex until your married, I don’t think this is one of them. Also notice that it was the female who heard this white box story–showcasing the double standard for women and our culture’s obsession with women’s virginity. Personally, I think this message does more harm than good. It’s rooted in the fear of messing up–not a good motivation. It also have property-like connotations. Women aren’t born the property of their husbands. Your husband shouldn’t weigh your virginity into your value as a human and compatibility as a life-companion.

    I think analogies like these are one of the reasons why there is so much shame associated with sex.

    I really like S&D videos–I just wanted to voice a different opinion on this one.

    • Jessica Sherwood

      Erin I found your thoughts SO refreshing! I couldn’t agree more. I am waiting for sex until marriage but I think messages like this one have made me feel incredibly alone and isolated. I feel like exploring or talking about my sexuality isn’t even an option until I’m married. The white box analogy makes me feel very trapped and makes me believe if I mess up once, I am somehow spoiled or damaged.

      I would love Austin and Jess to hear more about how to explore your sexuality in a healthy way as a single adult. It’s great you get to have sex in a few days! But honestly what does sexuality look like when you are still in the process of waiting? I don’t think evaluating only the consequences of having sex is good motivation at all. I think our sexuality is intricially and integrally designed by God and therefore connected to ALL parts of us. The box analogy puts our sexuality in isolation.

      I also think you can’t make blanket statements. So many people I know were virgins when they got married and truthfully their sexual experience has still been shame filled because of purity culture. I’ve also had friends who are Christians and chose not to wait and now have amazing sex lives.

      I think it’s less about the consequence or the reward and more about obedience. It’s saying yes to God even when it’s not easy. It’s saying yes to yourself – that you are in fact worthy of cultivating an emotional, spiritual, mental, and sexual relationship. It’s learning to trust your partner and teach yourself boundaries. It’s choosing intimacy with one rather than many.

      Anyway I feel the same as Erin. I appreciate your content, but I think there could have been more depth and complexity here. We don’t need more easy answers. You have an awesome platform and your testimony is an incredible one!

      • Addison Bevere

        Erin & Jessica, I think that both of you have shared some valid points and great perspective. I, too, agree that sexual purity has fallen prey to a Christian version of modern reductionism. The truth is, anytime a part—e.g., sexual purity—becomes the whole instead of our perfection in Christ, things get squirrely. (This perfection—teleios in the Greek—is so hard to define. It conveys a completion and wholeness that only comes through an intimate process or struggle.)

        The mystery and fluidity of Being is hard to capture with any picture, metaphor, or sentiment. But I do think the video conveys the unequivocal truth that our sexuality’s complexity and difficulty make it one of our most personal and important entrustments. I also think that it’s a great idea to explore additional conversations around sexuality and purity in the months ahead. Purity—in its fullest sense—means freedom from anything that steals or compromises vitality.

        And, Jessica, I love how you pointed out that, at the end of the day, all of this is about obedience to our Creator. If we truly believe that God’s ways are higher than ours, than a part of living a life of faith is having the courage to entrust our sexualities to God and explore them within His design and purpose. Only through a life of faith can we become something more than we already are. Only through faith can we become Sons and Daughters of the Transcendent One.

  11. Coming from a different avenue of not waiting before marriage – it is not worth it. At all.

    I grew up in a loving Christian household with very strong morals. I held on to my virginity with a tight grip because to me it was a precious gift that only belonged to one person, my future husband. In this day in age, you are made fun of that mindset as well as a hunted conquest from men that live in the world. I went on quite a few dates that ended as fast as they began when they found out I wasn’t willing to be promiscuous. I met a man in my early 20’s, we clicked instantly. As being someone that didn’t go to church, he didn’t understand the mentality of not wanting to “test drive the car” before you buy it. We dated a few months when things went too far and regretfully I lost my virginity. I believed the lie of the enemy when He whispered in my ear, “you are now tainted, you can never get your purity back, you might as well keep going with this physical part of your relationship.” Well we did and from there we stunted that crucial part of getting to know each other on a spiritual and mental level because all we were focusing on was the physical side.
    We are now married with two wonderful children, but our marriage has suffered tremendously because we built our relationship on a very unstable ground.
    Much like the parable that Jesus talks about in Luke 6:45-49 the importance of building your house on a strong foundation, for when the floodwater rise and break against the house, it stands firm because it is well built.
    My husband and I missed that critical time in our relationship of really getting to know each other while we were dating because all we focused on was sex and how it was a cure-all and a solution to any problem that we had that desperately needed addressed. Now we spend a lot of time trying to keep our house(marriage) stable because it was built on an unstable foundation.
    Please don’t make the same mistake we did. It is not worth it. And if you did, don’t believe the lies of the enemy- you can repent and ask for forgiveness. Jesus will receive you with open arms and be so proud of your decision.
    God bless your messages and all the lives you touch, Sons & Daughters !!!

  12. Monique Waggener

    Congratulations Good example and good word ❤️👏🏽

  13. I love this so much!!! I didn’t wait, I was not careful or thoughtful with my purity… but I did find a man and we did get married and God has redeemed my relationship and marriage bed… this is one of my greatest desires for my own daughters and son! Thank you for sharing!!

    • Brooke Herzog

      I love how our God is the redeemer! Thank you for sharing, Amanda 🙂 I know that your legacy of faithfulness and trust will be carried on into your children’s lives!

  14. Awe! I love that you are sharing this journey thank you for purity.

  15. It is worth the wait. I am a young man in a dating relationship and I can affirm that the struggle is real but I thank God for His word and your example!

  16. Jordan Hernandez

    Absolutely. 1000%. My wife and I didn’t even date around before meeting each other. Never held hands with anyone. Never kissed. Nothing. We both had a steadfast patience that God would bring the other person into our lives at the right time – and he did because we trusted him!
    As a second voice to this, and being on the other side, I PROMISE that the REWARD for waiting and opening that box with your spouse at the right time is absolutely worth it.

    “Wait patiently for the Lord.
    Be brave and courageous,
    And wait patiently for the Lord.”
    Psalm 27:14

    “Do not awaken love until the time is right.”
    Song of Solomon 3:5

  17. This is timely!! God bless, and may He prosper your marriage!

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